After another load of feedback the tweaks to chapter 1 continue. Though I got far more criticism than I can do anything about (some of which because I disagree with) I saw a few spots where there was room for improvement without changing anything in the scene. Basically, just a few words here and there of clarification and additional description. Again, the provider of this great list of criticisms was rewarded with a copy of the whole story, and hopes that he'll be able to offer more useful insights for improvement before future chapters go online.
Alas, still no word on the other five covers.