tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1049386496329932493.post3581328130173943419..comments2023-09-20T03:51:32.017-07:00Comments on Some Twenty Words of Intellect: ... on the importance of being fryDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843759142360215335noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1049386496329932493.post-39563433768444197332008-12-27T00:26:00.000-08:002008-12-27T00:26:00.000-08:00I like it, but I think it should be trimmed down. ...I like it, but I think it should be trimmed down. Again, the information could be cannibalized, but if he's talking to "himself", then he shouldn't dwell o'erlong on it, else it reads like a sidebar, unless he reminds us he's got time to kill thinking about it. But anyway, I like it when you show respect for the source material, and have fun extrapolating from it.<BR/>The bit about the crystals rubbing together brings two thoughts to mind: 1. This could be mentioned at some other time when he's moving slowly and carefully. 2. This should be a well-known issue in a world where fire crystals probably preceded mankind, and where society has been dealing with them near daily for so long, thus, I suggest inflammable padding or some material between the crystals, or slots in the bottom of the quiver--or play up the tension similar to someone handling old dynamite sticks that have been weeping/sweating nitroglycerin.<BR/>Fry, huh? Hmmm. Off the top o' my head: Jyre, of course, provides her lack of education, and creates most opportunity for things that need explaining, and she could already know things and get pridefully angry at the assumption she doesn't know something. Nightfall's foreigner status should provide an outsider's view for certain things. Any two or more people who have to rely on each other, yet have very different knowledge and skill bases provide an opportunity for one to explain something to the other. But you are already doing much of this. Steampunk and common City stuff could be mentioned more, but only if it's mentioned as any other piece of architecture, bathroom fixture, contrivance, etc. What do the common citizens do with these machines?<BR/>Will burricks and their devastating burrowing be explained much, or will they fall somewhere between "taffer" and "frumious bandersnatch"? :pehcmierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06430372908087582309noreply@blogger.com