The first is with the opening narration. He says that this is fine for a pulp fantasy novel, but for literature it should be avoided. Not a problem per say, but with the way the story is written it seems to deserve a less cliche opening.
The biggest problem he had was with Ghost's humor.
His personality doesn't really feel consistent to me; sometimes he's rational and cold-blooded, but sometimes his internal monologue is too silly, too self-deprecating; it breaks the immersion for me. I think having a sarcasting internal monologue is good, but he goes too far, and combined with the repeated bumbling/falling down/etc, it seems more like slapstic comedy than anything else. It ruins the tension, but isn't funny enough to be comic relief, really.
He had the most to say about Nightfall though, and the confusion, contradictions, and otherwise obscurity (not in a good way) of the character's presentation. I couldn't find anything I disagreed with. Oie, more work!